Denver International Scareport (See What I Done There?)

I don't know about you "normals," but when I fly out of an airport, I sure as hell want some symbols of death and doom strewn about the place. If flying's the safest way to travel, you might as well remind me of my mortality lest I feel too comfortable and secure. The crappy thing is, you go to virtually any airport, and the place is bland and depressing at best, welcoming and pleasant at worst. It sucks for us padded-room types. But...NOT ANYMORE...(Drum roll, please!)...Ever since February 28, 1995, we've had: THE DENVER INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT. Not only is it the largest international airport in the United States, the third-largest international airport in the world, but it is also the tenth busiest airport by passenger traffic in the world. Needless to say, something that grand should of course be expected to be 16 months behind schedule and $2 billion over budget--that's roughly 71% spent beyond what was projected. Makes you wonder where all that extra money went, but you know, who really cares, the day before 9/11 the Pentagon said it couldn't account for $2.3 trillion, and no one ever really gave a rat's ass about that, so what's a mere pittance of $2 billion? I mean, am I right?

Anyway, let's not get sidetracked, people. Our journey begins as we descend on Denver International Airport. As it comes into view from below, we get a happy reminder of everyone's favorite genocidal maniacs:

In case it wasn't clear, let me help you out:

Always gives me the warmest fuzzies when I see that. Kinda reminds me of how we brought Nazis into the military, CIA, and NASA. And also of this Air Force building in San Diego:

 But I'm just reading into things. As we continue to approach the ground, we might just be able to make out this:

Schematic of terminal access roads

See? It's Snoopy with a reverse nose job and breast implants--just kidding! It's a cock 'n balls. The road down the shaft is even named "Pena." 

Once on the runway, ole "Bluecifer" (at least, that's what the natives call 'im) stands ready to welcome you with outstretched hooves:

Horse of the Apocalypse? Nah, horseshit. Ole Bluecy's just misunderstood. He's had some issues ever since he killed his own creator. However, Denver likes to make its visitors feel just that little extra bit of special and at-home, so before you make it inside, there's a second friend to greet you:

Just in case you hadn't brushed up on your obscure Egyptian mythology, that's Mr. Anubis, god of the dead. Swell guy. I've chatted with him over drinks several times while attending conferences in the area. 

Once inside, Denver has its own cute versions of jack-in-the-box for you:

Gargoyle-in-a-suitcase!

At this point you might be thinking, "Gee in a compass and square, I'm so grateful for all this doom-and-gloom; I really wish I could thank whoever did it!" Don't worry; they left their calling card:

Apparently, according to the inscription, this was the work of the "New World Airport Commission," which, it turns out, doesn't exist. Moving on! After walking about for a while, you might start to get restless, wondering, "When am I ever going to see any more occult symbols or in-your-face reminders of death?" Again, don't worry: we've got you covered. Look up ahead! The Mural Family has just disembarked from the plane, and they're heading this way!. This first mural contains a copy of a real-life letter written by a young girl in a Nazi concentration camp shortly before her death:

I think my all-time favorite line is "I have known fear, I have learned to hate," and the part about the "gallows ropes." Personally, I love it when innocent children die, don't you?. Oh, wait! Speaking of innocent children dying!:

Just in case you couldn't tell from the close-up, she's lying in a coffin. And you can bet yer britches she ain't takin' no nap! Ha ha! No Sir-ee Bob! Haven't had your fill of dead children yet? Well, how about dead children and a masked alien-looking soldier with a sword and automatic gun!:

Awwww!!! Truly, truly heart-warming. In case you were interested in more inspiring artwork with similar themes, check out the murals at the Bank of America headquarters. 

Incidentally, just in passing, you know, by the by, did I mention that if you enter into Google Earth the geographical coordinates given by the aliens in the movie "Close Encounters of the Third Kind" it will take you smack-dab to DIA? That movie came out some 16 years before the airport was even finished, when it was just an empty field. Kinda weird to have a connection between a movie about aliens and the occult and an airport riddled with occult symbolism and rumored to house aliens underground...

Finally, you're thinking to yourself, "Man, I'm in such a joyful and sky-high mood, let's go for a flight!" Whoaaa! Hold on there, cowboy! We've got one more quick stop before you get your wings:

Scratching your head and going "Huh?" You're looking at the symbolic (and quite possibly horrifically not at all symbolic) alchemical "black sun." What could that have to do with our little trip, you ask? Well, we've had ourselves a nice little adventure, and you've been a big boy today, but I'm not too sure that you're ready yet for what THAT'S all about...Fine, ok, quit yer whinin'. Go quick, stop off at the airport drug store, pop a red pill, find the "Rabbit Hole" exit, and, if you're brave enough, proceed through the newly cleansed doors of perception...:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q_GeAy2MCzc

http://rabbithole2.com/